Local man orbits Venus in converted shed

Written by Clive Danton

Friday, 24 January 2020

image for Local man orbits Venus in converted shed

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has reportedly orbited the planet Venus in a garden shed that he had converted into a rudimentary rocketship over the course of less than a dozen weekends.

Toby Dell, a gravity caster at Whitechapel Bell Foundry, blasted off into space on Monday just after midday, reaching Venus at around 2.30 pm on the following day.

According to NASA scientists, Dell has completed an orbit of the planet, and has now deployed the shed's retro rockets to blast free from its gravitational pull.

According to his wife, Tracy, 47, he intends to attempt a brief landing on Mars on the way back, although he has expressed concerns about damaging the Ronseal creosote protective coating on his larch lap craft when he touches down on the Red Planet.

Speaking to newsmen last night, Mrs Dell said: "I didn't even know he was turning the shed into a rocket.

"He certainly never mentioned it to me. I thought he was out there looking at mucky books like most men."

Dell's mission mirrors that of a 45-year-old man from neighbouring Poplar, who, in 1987, became the first man to reach Neptune in a Borough of Tower Hamlets wheelie bin.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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