Harry Maguire “Big Hat-No Cattle” Said New Manager “Action” Jackson

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 8 October 2019

image for Harry Maguire “Big Hat-No Cattle” Said New Manager “Action” Jackson
BIG HAT - NO CATTLE

BILLINGSGATE POST: It didn’t take long for new Manchester United Manager “Action” Jackson to ruffle some feathers, once he took over his new job from Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

Action grew up on a ranch in North Dakota, where fools and imposters were not given much rope. Tossed out of kindergarten for giving Sister Mary Ratchet a hot foot; when asked why he did it, he replied:

“Code of the West.”

“She bitch-slapped me when I told her that she was so ugly her parents had to tie a porkchop around her neck so the family dog would play with her.”

So when a reporter from the Guardian asked Action what he thought of overpaid and underachieving defenseman Harry Maguire, he replied in a way that only a man who has spent most of his life in a saddle would:

“Big hat, no cattle.”

Slim: “Sumbitch is a man of few words.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Reminds me of the Duke, John Wayne.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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