Dart trauma at Chutney on the Fritz

Written by Ben Macnair

Saturday, 17 August 2019

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Can I be on the show? Can I? Can I? I can. It is going to be so good. It is going to be so wonderful. Bigly.

A fair in Chutney on the Fritz has hit a disaster, due to the incompetence of organisers, and an over-zealous dart thrower.

Problems were caused by the proximity of a full-size dartboard and a bouncy castle. The dartboard, supplied by local pub The Wet Mallard was sited too close to the bouncy castle when 63-year-old darts fan Brian Asshat wanted to impress a local lady who had taken his fancy.

Dora Eckingthorpe, 23, was at the fair with her boyfriend Shane, when she caught Asshat's attention. In trying to impress her, thinking that she would leave her handsome boyfriend for a man 40 years older Brian's aim was off, due to drinking too much Shandy, and instead of sailing gracefully into the dartboard, it instead went into the bouncy castle, causing hundreds of pounds worth of damage, and a spoilt day for both young children and their adult carers.

Asshat said, 'The girls just never notice me'.

A spokesman for Chutney on the Fritz council said 'Of course, we will have to look into all of the health and safety concerns that this raises, unfortunately, Brian is the leader of the council, so I don't know how the meeting will go. He has survived grammar-nazi gate, so he is Mr Teflon'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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