Scavengers Descend on Branscomb, Devon

Written by Pointer

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

image for Scavengers Descend on Branscomb, Devon
NIcklebottom's Scavenged Word of God

I, ET McCrone lift/elevator operator/candidate for PrezMinister can read the handwritin' on the wall. When the noble colonizers, the citizens of the UK land like a desperate flock of gulls on the water-logged booty of a shipwrecked cargo trawler, somethin's rotten in the state of Johnny Bull. Brandscombe beach near Sidmouth became a veritable free flea market for looters after the stricken vessel, The Napoli, was grounded about a mile out to sea.

Nigel Nicklebottom declared upon arrest by senior police officer, Jimmy Nye: "Can't a man have access to the Word of God!?". To which officer Nye replied: "Not when he ridin'away on a filched Harley-Davidson, my boyo!". Crates of Bibles and 15 new H-D Motorcycles were among the flotsam and jetsom of the grounded vessel.

Six hundred oil-soaked sea birds were washed ashore by the storm that nearly sunk the Napoli. Devonish garbage -pickers expressed little sympathy for their tarbaby feathered friends. Ian Phlegming, Devon's mayor defended his salvaging citizenry by saying: "Those oily birds will catch no worms, the resouceful people of Devon will bring home the bacon, contaminated or not!"

Gurneys and lorries and sundry kinds of vehicles unknown outside of the UK descended upon the beach and stripped it clean of all manner of valuable litter in the most environmentally conscious clean-up in English history.

I, ET McCrone choose to see the dark side of this event. In my UKUS (McCrone is running for Prime Minister and US President)there will be no scavenging. It will be a Camelot shining city upon a hill!

Vote ET McCrone, Low Class In Two Lands! GGGoooiiiing Uuuppp!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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