Misery has ensued for thousands of rich white South Africans fleeing to Britain, as the ship containing their possessions ran aground and was scavenged by bloodthirsty mobs on a Devon beach. Nelson Mandela, informed of the misery, pissed himself laughing. Rich white South Africans, fleeing the new theft-ridden, violent, gun-toting democratic South Africa, must be wondering what the hell they've let themselves in for.
Secretly filmed TV pictures showed high-speed motorbikes, furniture, Huggies and other goodies being carried away by jubilant white people.
One hooded Devon man, who couldn't put two words together, and preferred to give his name as Long John Silver, said:
"It's like Christmas, except you don't have to go into Bardmin."
Ms. Totsie Van de Graspie (19) of Richmond, and Joburg, said:
"Wif nedder seen anysink lake these since the end of apartheid. Em going rrrright beck immediately."
Armed storm troopers will be helicoptered in to protect thousands of containers full of valuable white South Africans' property that is lying completely unprotected across a wide stretch of beach. But it is thought they won't arrive till Wednesday due to a shortage of volunteers. The beach is situated at the end of the A30, turn right after Bodmin, follow the queues of pickups.