International tension accelerated today after Pakistan launched a nuclear attack on the United States of America.
The Celebrity Big Brother chicken row has so inflamed feelings across the world, that it has sparked the beginning of World War 3 and, many believe, the end of civilization as we know it.
Opinions are divided on how the row started,America, Italy, Spain and Britain claim it was because Shilpa had ruined a chicken by half cooking it. Meanwhile India, Pakistan and and several Arab states have blamed the dispute on Jade stealing two Oxo cubes.
Japan and the Balkan states have so far stayed out of the war but with former stormtrooper, Pope Gregory, yesterday declaring that Shilpa was 'a heretic and a lousy cook', it is believed other countries will be drawn into the conflict.
The Pakistan strike follows George Bush's televised speech in which he called Shilpa, Dirk and Jermaine an 'axis of evil'.
The Dali Lhama has appealed for calm saying that humanity should follow the example of 'H from Steps' who has remained 'a peacemaker' in the house.
In other news - at 3.45pm Jermaine washed a cup and at 4.27pm Dirk masturbated in the diary room.
