Written by queen mudder

Sunday, 17 December 2006

image for Unnaturalist takes prestigeous Con award
Belamy has been boring viewers for centuries with shots like this

London - (Rioters): Unnaturalist Sir David Attenborough has won this year's Greatest Living Con award after millions of TV viewers voted him the country's most prolific serial wildlife bore in a tightly contested race.

Runner up was Heather Mills for her relentless empathising with the Chinese fur coat industry supply chain of feral cats, dogs and Yangtse Delta marmosets.

And in third place came Nigella Lawson whose savage promotion of cutesy itsy-bitsy oh-so shee-shee cashmere cardigans while slavering over a fattened cookery series pay cheque prompted one TV viewer to castrate a neighbor's entire herd of angora rabbits by way of a stifled licence-fee protest.

"David has affected the lives of millions of people and wildlife for decades", said one of this year's judges. "It's just not natural and we felt it was about time he received the right recognition for this.

"Ms Mills was a close runner up but is a novice wildlife bore by comparison with the great man himself.

"And as for Nigella, who knows just how many helpless viewers have been affected by her simpering and oozing in front of the cameras during mid-week prime time?"

The competition trophy will be presented at a ceremony early next year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Award

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