MI5 - threat levels explained more clearly

Funny story written by Mussy

Tuesday, 9 January 2007

image for MI5 - threat levels explained more clearly
Two test subjects are told "we're at Vindaloo"

In conjunction with the release of e-mail and mobile alerts to the general public, MI5 have also today released details of the renaming of the levels of security threat.

For some time the intelligence service, in line with the Home Office, have used a sliding five point scale to indicate the current level of threat - starting at Low and working through Moderate, Substantial, Severe and finally, the highest level of threat, Critical.

Sources within the Home Office have been concerned for some time that the status level names are misleading and don't relate to the public perception of the current dangers. Speaking exclusively to The Spoof, our source said, "We've been at Severe for over 6 months now and there's no sign of it changing. The only thing it's likely to do is go to critical and the public don't seem to appreciate just how 'Severe' a Severe threat is - hopefully the new naming scheme will help."

The names, to be released later this week, will now be as follows:

    Chicken Licken - there is a tiny threat but it will feel like the world is falling in.
    Barrymore - Something is definitely amiss but we're not too sure what yet.
    Itsu - Specific threat which relates a possible chemical or radiation danger
    Vindaloo - If you knew what we knew, you'd shit yourself
    Vogon - an inter-gallactic alien race is about to destroy the Earth

The current level will now be set at Barrymore, for the foreseeable future.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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