London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Police investigating the suspicious poisoning of a former KGB officer Alexander Litvinenko are reported to be bugging cash-strapped Russian oligarch and Chelsea football club owner Roman Abramovich after claims that 'someone snitched-up' a Colombian submarine that was seized off Costa Rica today with three tonnes of cocaine on board.
The Type 1 U-boat was enroute to London's Chelsea Harbour but was so overloaded with cargo that it could only submerge to a depth of two feet - a record by normal standards for this class of vessel but hardly appropriate for large-scale narcotics trafficking.
This may have proved a bit of a give-away as coast-guards pounced on the hapless craft which was sporting the traditional sky-blue livery of the famous West London soccer team.
It was intercepted just outside the Coca Islands, south-west of the mainland.
Meanwhile at the UK National Poisons Unit Accident and Emergency clinic Litvinenko is said to be in a serious condition with a confirmed case of vallium poisoning.
And British press sources have been described as having a field day with scare stories smearing Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin with the blame for this dastardly deed, claiming that the toxin used was a rare subsstance called 'thallium'....
Tehh!
More news expected tomorrow.
