Mann Turns The Other Cheek

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 12 November 2018

image for Mann Turns The Other Cheek
Mann earlier

In a Christian act of restraint that would have impressed many a God-botherer looking in, a man on the satirical news website,, decided that, rather than indulging in a fruitless and counterproductive slanging match with his critics, he would turn the other cheek.

Like Jesus Christ so many decades ago, Myke Mann, 55, chose to ignore his persecutors - who weren't being that persecutorial, if truth be known - and let them get on with it, instead of entering into a bout of verbal sparring, or a subsequent war-of-words, which would inevitably lead somewhere, but nowhere beneficial, before descending into the belly of the Earth amidst raging Hellfire and curses.

So, he let it go.

Mann is an extremely distant relative (they both have the same surname) of the German writer, Thomas Mann, responsible for the 1947 novel, 'Doctor Faustus', and Heinrich Mann, the brother of Thomas, who, amazingly, was also an author, and wrote 'Man of Straw' in 1918, and the mere fact that he knows this information, is proof he knows what he's on about.

Mann is also a very shy man, however, and a very private man, and not one to enjoy being placed in the spotlight or under the microscope or in the glare of media flashlights or hanker after the limelight, or anything like that, and he had to be verily coaxed out from behind his wall of self-imposed silence so silent, it would remind one of a sleepy hamlet's Public Library at three o'clock in the morning. He said:

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and entitled to share those opinions. They are also entitled to be critical, of either the stories I write, the way I write them, or the topics on which I write. That is their write (sic). I, however, prefer to turn the other cheek."

And with that, he lowered his trousers, then his underpants, bent his knees and crouched, and strained a rather long turd out of his arsecrack which absolutely fucking stank.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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