Hellfire Club HQ, London - (Ass Mess): The Conservative Party's Euro-Septic stink tank has finally published the names of the iconic influences which have shaped its modern political strategy in the UK today. And top of the list are the Yorkshire Ripper, Lorena Bobbit and a Bavarian resident, Armin Meiwes, whose dedication to cannibalism is said to have inspired Party organ donors to dig ever deeper into their pockets.
Captain Pugwash and Roger the Cabin-Boy also feature in this year's Top 12 along with Marko Ramius - Captain of the Kursk Russian submarine who in August 2000, gave his 118-man crew the order to dive when the lid was still open on their submersible.
American traditionalists such as Enron's Ken Lay, Jack Abramoff and Pastor Ted Haggard are also named for influencing Hellfire agendas that might otherwise have let the side down badly by converting to the straight and narrow.
And finally UK Derby-winning racehorse Shergar, the Earl of Lucan and Humphrey the Downing Street cat all merit a place for the sheer temerity of their Houdini-like walk-on walk-off cameo roles that have kept the British electorate guessing just which Hellfire asshole will next take up the mantle of number one pig-faced little runt to succeed Lord Fawsley, aka Sir Norman St John Stevas, when he finally gets the push from the clifftops of Beachy Head.
