Idiot Wayne Johnson realised that he had done something wrong when his girlfriend Celia looked at him and asked 'Is this what you think I am?'
Buying the book 'The Perfect Girlfriend' by Karen Hamilton in the book aisle at Tesco, when shopping for trainers, a razor blade, sultanas, a block of Edam, and some full-fat milk, Johnson thought of Celia, and realising, that for him, she was the Perfect Girlfriend, he bought it for her.
However, the book is about a sociopath, who changes her job to be with the boyfriend who left her to marry someone else. She changes his life, murders his new girlfriend, and at the end of the novel, she is by his bed, as he recovers from life-threatening injuries, claiming some form of moral victory.
'Jesus' said Wayne 'If I had known that was what the book was about I would never have bought it for her'.
Celia, sighing, said 'It would be like me buying him a Jilly Cooper book, and expecting it to make a difference to our sex-life'