Bacon Bits

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Friday, 15 September 2017

Art lovers the world over were overjoyed today as a new painting by Francis Bacon was discovered. The painting had been down the back of a sofa in Sofia and was discovered by the cleaning lady, Sophie Sofia, in the early hours of yesterday morning.

The "bacon" is a classic representation of a traditional "Full English Breakfast" complete with bacon, beans, hash browns and eggs. The controversial painting has been out of circulation since 1996 after a row over whether or not sausages should have been included in the piece escalated. The original owner decided that if people were only going to talk about the paintings lack of sausages then he wouldn't bother displaying it. It's said that he got on a bus and gave it to the first person who got on after him.

Talking at the International Institute Of Finding And Restoring Lost Bacons Professor Shaun Mendez said:

It's a great honour to finally discover a lost Bacon after so long especially one that has long courted controversy through it's subject matter. The fact that Bacon chose not to paint sausages on the piece has baffled and excited art scholars for years and we'll continue to apply and get funding so we can proceed with being amazed and excited about the non-sausages.

But not everyone believes that Bacon didn't include the sausages and that they may be hidden somewhere in the piece. Possibly underneath the beans. Freelance Baconite George Grimby leapt out from behind a wheelie bin to tell us:

The sausages are there dammit these original sketches prove it!

He showed us a napkin with a crudely drawn...well it looked like a dick with one ball bigger than the other to us. He went on to say:

The whole sausage debate is a myth that has been stoked by neo Bacons wanting to jack the price of Bacons lost works up. The sausages are where any good solid sausage should be. Underneath the beans. I've petitioned for years for the authorities to allow me to x-ray all of Bacons work to discover the missing sausages but I fear the whole thing is a cover up of the highest scale. I think governments are involved and we the public are being kept in the dark.

Or perhaps we're being kept under the beans as well. This was Back and to the Left news. But you probably already knew that on account of all the grammar mistakes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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