In keeping with its 'right on' left wing stance and cheap programming, the BBC has announced it is to broadcast a special edition of its flagship religious programme 'Songs of Praise' from a notorious Calais shithole migrant camp.
Regular presenters Aled 'why me lord' Jones, Diane-Louise Jordan and Pam Rhodes were reported to be extremely excited about the weekend break in Calais as they will be staying at the five star L'Hermitage Gantois Hotel at license payers expense.
Mr Jones is eager to replenishing his stock of uncensored dirty DVD's whilst in Calais which are freely available at most Supermarkets, while Pam Rhodes is hoping to meet and adopt a hunky, well hung Algerian or Sudanese toy boy to compensate for her husband's recently diagnosed ED problem.
As for Ms Jordan, being renowned for her somewhat 'aggressive' nature and 2014 'Police harassment warning' she will be making sure that the brothers are treated well by the French Police and not merely beaten to death with batons 'cause they is black!
Should the programme prove a hit with viewers, assuming anyone is actually watching this shit, the BBC have plans to extend this format to other programmes and have already approached Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry with the idea of a 'Great Calais Stand-off'. This would see Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry armed with an assortment of kitchen utensils guarding the entrance to the Channel Tunnel while keeping back the rampaging hordes, last one standing will get a pay increase and their contract extended for another year.
Over on BBC 2 (yes, it still exists!) there are rumours of an upgraded repeat version of, 'Escape to the Country', it is thought this could easily be adapted to assist migrants in selecting their dream home once in the UK and signed on for benefits. Presenters, Alistair, Jules and Jonnie are rumoured to be peeing their pants with excitement at the mere thought of it all.
Meanwhile, executives from other lacklustre TV Channels are said to be frantically reviewing and debating their sagging ratings by way of ramping up the afternoon dross. Apparently Channel 4 are considering 'Come Dine with Me from Calais', wherein four migrants of differing nationality take turns to throw a dinner party in their respective tent, cardboard box or tarpauling shelter in the hopes of winning a one-way Eurostar ticket to Britain and benefits season ticket.
Seemingly, not to be outdone ITV are considering Calais for their 'Hello Campers' show in which various middle class couples set up camp in the'Jungle' and meet their fellow campers. This would see happy couples joining in with the various daily entertainment such as, climbing over razor wire fencing, attempting to leap or stowaway on lorries, knifing each other for the hell of it or simply running amok whilst being peppered sprayed by French Police.
The ultimate prize of £1,000 would be paid out to anyone still alive, not raped, beaten to a pulp by muggers and able to get back to the UK for a free vacation in a run down NHS hospital of their choice.
Last but not least, Channel 5, being all but lost for an idea due to lack of intelligent staff and strapped for money, are considering dubbing episodes of 'Home and Away' into French it is hoped that viewers will not notice the accent change.
