A cargo ship carrying news of the outside world for the last six months was deliberately grounded off the Isle of Wight Saturday evening after it began to list.
Captain Sigge Olafson of the Hoege Osaka said he ordered crew members to jettison news from July, August and September overboard in an attempt to right the vessel but to no avail.
"The ship continued to list and three months of news was lost to the sea forever. To save the ship and the remaining three months of news we had no choice but to deliberately ground the ship on a sand bar in the Solent."
Over the last decade, with the increase in news and globalization as result of the Internet, the need for more cargo space to import news to the Island has increased as well.
Islanders have made repeated demands to David Pugh requesting more or bigger ships to cope with the surge in resultant cargo space for news required to stay current.
Discussion has taken place with Wightlink to second ferry service to salvage the remaining news from the stranded cargo vessel particularly red top gossip about King Edward which is in high demand and the punch lines to some jokes that somehow were sent separately by cargo during the summer.
Wightlink spokesman maintain that they will do their best to assist in maintaining essential news services and emergency transport of goods such as vacuum tubes for radio repair and a brain poultices for Abe Siefert's son who is doing better after being kicked by a heifer last week.