Britain's hospitals and clinics are at breaking point as a majority of the general public are showing symptoms of "Farageophobia".
With the relatively new condition spreading quicker than sexually transmitted diseases at Glastonbury, hospitals are struggling to issue prescriptions to every diagnosed patient. However, instead of turning it's back on the nation, the NHS is issuing a letter to every address in the country, listing examples on how to spot symptoms of Farageophobia.
1: Are they intolerant of people who misunderstand the words racism, immigration or policy?
2: Are they constantly complaining about "those bloody people" who undermine other human-beings born in different countries but inexplicably spend most of their time with them?
3: Are they planning on voting Labour because they've "got no other choice", not because Ed Miliband is charisma personified?
As Farageophobia figures grow exponentially, UKIP has moved for the medical condition to be seen as racist, and also state that the condition is just "another way for Romanians to claim benefits".
Farage, incidentally now sponsored by an Aldi knock-off version of Marmite, has not commented on the issue, claiming he's "too exhausted to convey his opinion accurately".