What's in a name?

Funny story written by Shortty

Monday, 12 May 2014


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This is all a pathetic craze that will die out reckons this cat Terry

What year is it? 2014 yes, but in China it is the year of the horse. Naming a year after an animal might seem ridiculous to us but it has been tradition there for centuries. So has eating the penis of endangered big cats and snorting crushed ivory cut from the faces of very nearly extinct pachyderms, but each to their own i say. Very often they christen their children with animal names too and it seems like this has caught on in the West also. There are many examples of it and it is done for a variety of reasons.

Sports stars give themselves animal names for luck. Some of these are Alan Lamb, Tiger Woods, Graeme Swan, Wolf from Gladiators, John Parrot and the not especially lucky Eddie the Eagle.

Actors, notorious luvvies that they are have also typically bought into this weird mystical bullshit. Just some of these are Ethan Hawk, Sandra Bullock, Joaquin Phoenix, Ted Roach, Russell Crow and his sister Sheryl, Ant McPharlan and Cat Deeley. Cretins one and all.

Other "celebrities" aping this fad include Snoop Dog, Bear Grylls, James Whale, Cat Stevens, martial arts specialist Monkey, Adrian Mole and Matron Florence Nightingale. Even religious deity's are in on it, notably the Dalai Llama.Ironically, these animals are also all Chinese delicacies.

Musicians traditionally ingest monumental amounts of Class A drugs, so obviously pretentiousness such as this will appeal. Just some are John Cougar Mellencamp, Atomic Kitten, Whitesnake, Flock of Seagulls, Echo and the Bunnymen, Gorillaz, Boomtown Rats, The Beatles, Seal, The Beastie Boys and the notorious drumming muppet Animal himself. High as a kite one and all!

Even entire families have got involved such as Edward Fox and his children Megan, Samantha, Michael J and Doctor.

As usual, some people have tried to copy the latest trend but haven't got it quite right. Some of these idiots are Salmon Rushdie, Simon Cow, Camel Elektra, Jackal Nicholson, Lion-el Ritchie, Justin Beaver and eighties pop crooner Fergal Sharkey.

Even examples of dickheads such as these have done nothing to curb this ridiculous trend. In fact, it seems to be getting worse. A look at names given at Marylebone registry office just this week included some very disturbing efforts such as Alan Ardvaark, Monica Snow Leopard, Lisa Lava Lizard and Mohammed Bottle Nosed Dolphin.

You couldn't make it up!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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