"Bag on Empty Seat" Passengers Finally Analysed

Funny story written by Jack Allen

Sunday, 11 May 2014

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Stopping at 'avoiding a scene' and 'gutless'

Passengers on busy trains who put their bags on the unreserved seat next to them will most likely die alone, a new study has revealed.

The study, carried out by the finest minds in Europe, also revealed that travellers who unnecessarily filled the seat next to them had a 75.8% chance of being a-sexual and are likely to eat four microwaveable meals per week.

Furthermore, the study also uncovered that the annoying habit of filling the seat next to you was only challenged once in 213 studies, which highlights the depths most passengers in England will go to avoid potential conflict.

"It's proof," said Sean Stevens, head of the research group. "These people are cutting off the opportunity to converse with other people, which is ironically what they need the most." Stevens went on state that these "difficult individuals" were also inclined to not hold doors open for other people, claim to still enjoy living with their parents still and are high likely to turn down a dinner date because they don't want to miss The Chase.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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