Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

image for Prince Charles: A Carbon-Dioxymoron
Prince Charles

As a British expatriate who has lived in the United States for the past decade, I wish to speak regarding Prince Charles' recent statement where he joins with some highly credential scientists in blaming the current balmy weather conditions in North America on the human contribution of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere.

Although I consider Prince Charles and his American counterpart, Al Gore, carbon-dioxymorons, it would be remissive to place some of our finest environmental scientists in this category. Having twelve doctorate degrees myself, I understand how difficult it is to reach this academic level. But as a scientist who has spent his entire existence in taking the modern equivalent of air, ingeniously converting it to carbon dioxide, and then watching how my garden grows through photosynthesis, I have found no compelling evidence that carbon dioxide is Nature's villain.

Using the same standards of hypothesis, I believe that I could prove volcanic eruptions and forest fires have at least as much effect on the atmosphere as cow flatulence. Perhaps exponents of global warming could find a way to measure how much each component of Nature contributes to the over-all total of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. As certain as they are that global warming exists, it should be quite simple to extrapolate the data measuring the component contribution.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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