Conga Collision At Essex Pub Leaves Dozens Injured!

Funny story written by Tommy Twinkle

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

image for Conga Collision At Essex Pub Leaves Dozens Injured!
Eyewitness mini-cab driver Abdul Singh.

Two people have been seriously injured with dozens more left bruised and shaken after two lines of conga dancers collided head-on outside a pub in Loughton, Essex just after midnight.

The collision, at Loughton's 'The Red Lion' public house occurred outside in the grounds at a corner between the pub's car park and beer garden. Eyewitness Abdul Singh, a mini-cab driver who was waiting in the car park to pick up a fare gave the following account of what he saw,

'I only saw one of the congas, the one I saw had came out from the pub's main door facing the car park. The man leading that conga turned right towards a corner around which is the pub's beer garden, presumably intending to lead his conga back into the pub through the doors of the beer garden, but the whole line of people in that conga began falling over each other when they reached that corner.'

What Abdul hadn't realised was that another conga was coming from the direction of the beer garden. Heading that conga was Matt Floot. Matt says he was not to blame for the collision,

'It was just bad luck that both congas arrived at the corner at exactly the same time,' says Matt. 'The next thing I knew was I was on the floor with lots of bodies falling on top of me. It wasn't my fault,' he says. Though Matt does claim that the leader of the other conga, George Wigham was moving too fast. 'George was probably in a rush to get back into the pub to his pint,' says Matt. 'And frankly, he'd already had too much to drink so shouldn't have been leading a conga in the state he was in.'

George Wigham strongly denies the accusation and says the collision was entirely Matt's fault. Claims George, 'In actual fact I did see Matt's conga approaching as I went to turn the corner and so I tried to take evasive action so as to pass Matt's conga safely, but Matt veered out into my path.' George adds, 'Matt wasn't looking where he was going, he had his eyes looking down at a mobile phone he was holding in his hands.'

Matt and George were the two people who sustained serious injuries from the collision. Both have been left with badly sprained wrists to their drinking arms.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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