Written by Joe Leff

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Plans to collect cheap beers, wines and spirits in a big bin were welcomed by poorer drinkers worried about Government proposals to increase minimum prices on units of alcohol.

The big brewers and wine merchants have been wondering what to do with all the dregs and sub-standard stuff that's left after their bottling and canning operations.

Under the new plans, each town-centre will now have a huge steel bin of this dirt-cheap alcohol, which poorer drinkers can drink through long straws. The bins will be re-filled at regular intervals, and life-guards will be on hand in case over-enthusiastic drinkers fall in.

This initiative is likely to delay proposed unit price legislation. "Minimum pricing looks dead in the water," a Government spokesman said.

"But cheap alcohol looks great in the bin," said a poor, but appreciative, straw-drinker in Macclesfield.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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