The British House of Lords have promised a full and complete investigation into the availability of child pornography within the United Kingdom.
Lord Cock of Dumbshire announced "It is simply appalling. It is totally unacceptable. I find is simply abhorrent. It is virtually impossible for one to procure any child pornography in this country. You have to download it online and that is just not cricket. The last thing I want is some low ranking Detective Inspector from Scotland Yard knocking at the door of my mansion demanding I turn over my computer. Bring back the days when a gentleman could freely wander, albeit wearing a disguise, into some back alley shop and purchase images that reminded him of his public schooldays, and especially his House Master, Mr Potter."
Lord Cock's words were echoed by many of Britain's elite, who are simply perplexed and flabbergasted that obtaining material that they see as their birth right is becoming increasingly difficult to find.
"I remember when one merely had to flash a five pound note in any east end public house and some grimy peasant would offer you Polaroid's of nieces, nephews and siblings. Not these days. It as if the whole place has gone mad. Mad I tell you" explained Lord Grope of Whimpmyhampton.
