Cameron to make speech on crime

Funny story written by John_L

Monday, 22 October 2012

image for Cameron to make speech on crime
Hugging Hoodies and punishing Plebs.

Prime Minister David Cameron will today make a keynote speech on crime. However he will stop short of saying that people who swear and verbally abuse Police officers should face arrest.

In the rest of Europe disrespecting a police officer is a crime, even if you are a member of the Government as a junior minister in France found out three years ago. In Germany using an informal style of speech to a Police officer can lead to a fine.

Cameron will again back former Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell by saying that Pleb is a perfectly acceptable thing to call a Police Officer if you went to a public school.

A Tory spokesman said "David will toughen his stance on petty crime. We have to criminalize people who went to Comprehensive schools while easing the punishments for those who went to Grammar schools and give Public School old boys carte blanch."

Cameron himself told ITN "Look I still think we should hug hoodies. But we need to make them know that need to be good to get that hug. If they don't do as we say and copy what we do then we are to bring back birching."

"Look people who go to Comprehensive schools are more likely to be criminal and come from criminal areas . We hope to fence them in so that they can't cause trouble. Those from Grammar schools are moving in the right direction but still need some supervision. Those of us who went to Public schools do not need any help. We are divinely superior and the rest of you should know that. I don't think what Andrew did was wrong, the Pleb from the Met was wrong to try and make Andrew stick by the rules"

A spokesman for the Labour Party said "They have more than enough rope now and the public are ready to hang them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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