G4S lose fifteen Cameroon Athletes

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

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The Cameroon Athletes heading out of the Village

G4S have admitted that they do not know the current whereabouts of fifteen of the Cameroon Olympic Squad.

"It's quite embarrassing," said Dave Loanshark, manager of the G4S Athlete Protection Division. "We thought we had them all nice and neat in the Athlete's Village only to discover that fifteen of them had scarpered."

It is understood that the Cameroon athletes have absconded to become illegal immigrants, either in England or France.

"We doubt they've gone to Wales," said Loanshark. "Why would they?"

G4S have doubled security on the Athlete's Village to three to prevent any further escapes that could cause uproar among Daily Mail readers, meanwhile, they are looking for the Cameroon athletes in Hand Car Wash establishments across the South of England.

"If we can't find them there," said Loanshark, "then it's a pretty good bet they've found a way across to France. This is good news, as it will then be a problem for the French and not us."

The Channel Tunnel is quite well guarded, but one of the Cameroon athletes is a swimmer, and another is a sailor, whilst the rest are mainly footballers.

"We are wondering if they didn't do very well in football on purpose," said Loanshark. "Sort of an Escape to Victory kind of approach to the Olympics."

Fortunately for G4S, none of the absconded athletes are from the shooting events.

"We wouldn't go looking quite so hard if they had guns," said Loanshark. "One of them is a long distance runner though. He could be in Scotland by now."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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