Afghan Olympic 100m 'Sprinter' Finishes Race The Day After She Started It

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

image for Afghan Olympic 100m 'Sprinter' Finishes Race The Day After She Started It
It's the taking part that counts...

Afghan Olympic 'sprinter' Tahmina Kohistani, the woman who has been dubbed "the slowest runner of all time", crossed the finish line of her 100m race yesterday, the day after she first ambled out of the starting blocks.

Kohistani, roared on by the capacity London crowd, fell gasping over the line in an Olympic-slow record time of 25 hours 3 minutes 12.27 seconds, and went straight to the athletes warm-down area, where she had an emergency meeting with her coach.

"Something is wrong," she said, adding "I'm not usually this slow."

Her coach was quick to leap to the Afghan slowcoach's defence, saying:

"It's the food here. It's bloody awful! Bland, insipid, tepid and vapid. Bah! We're never coming here again!"

But some observers claim that the food was the least of the runner's worries, citing her long smock-like rags and uncomfortable-looking headscarf as major obstacles to the athlete's chances.

Briton, Mark Ramprakaftan, who was in the stadium when Kohistani eventually 'stopped the clock', said:

"I must say that I thought the rifle slung over the shoulder was always going to be a bit of a hindrance!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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