Irish Warned To Beat Olympics Travel Jams - Other Communities Up In Arms

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

image for Irish Warned To Beat Olympics Travel Jams - Other Communities Up In Arms

Leading Liberal Democrat Dee Doocey is at the centre of a political storm after failing to warn some ethnic communities about possible travel problems during the Olympics.

Dublin-born Baroness Doocey, who recently stepped down from the London Assembly after eight years, warned the Irish community across Britain to plan ahead if visiting London during the Games period.

She told UK Irish weekly, The Irish World, that the travel situation during the Olympics will be worse than expected and "could have been avoided."

"The place will be buzzing," she said: "And if anyone from the Irish community is hoping to come to London they will find plenty of screens around the capital. They can also buy a ticket for £15 to go into the Olympic Park."

But other ethnic communities are furious that they have been left out from the warning and advice.

Danilo Romanovych Halitsky, of the Poulton-le-Fylde Institute of Ukrainian Ex-Patriates, who says he is no relation to the celebrated ancient king of Halich and founder of L'viv, said: "Iss bloddy diabolical liberty, iss vot iss!

"Vy she not varn Ukrainians? Ve hyaff same rights as Irish, no? Ve also wisit Olympics and face treffic foul-ups, no? Vood not hyappen in time of Soviets."*

Mr Halitsky's opinions were echoed by Nobby Threadneedle of the Londoners Wot Lives In Ve Bluddy Nawf Club: "Cor blimey, that's a proper turn up and no mistake, lor' luvaduck.

"Strewf and sixpence - my members is in a right two'n'eight 'baht vis. 'Oo does ve silly mare fink she is - lady muck? We're bluddy Londoners and we don't deserve to get warned by some Irish moo abaht har crap it's gonna be dahn ve smoke when all vem affletes is vere? Cor blimey!

"Someone orta 'ang one on 'er beak an' no mistake. Strike a light!"

However, one community seemed to be unmoved by the fuss: "Ah, no wurries, mate?" asked - er, said 'Digger' Bates, chair of the Australia and New Zealand Thong-wearers (That's flip-flops to you mate?) of Cheltenham.

*Mr Halitsky's quote initially included some of those Slavic-or-whatever letter 'l's with the slash through them but the cheapskate word-processing software here at TheSpoof failed to recognise them and rendered them as question marks. Tcha! - Ed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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