Rebekah Brooks "No Witch" Says Expert

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

image for Rebekah Brooks "No Witch" Says Expert

A leading witchcraft expert has urged that it's pointless to make former News of the World editor Rebekah Brooks the victim of a witch-hunt.

Mrs Brooks was charged with conspiracy to pervert the course of justice yesterday in the News International phone-hackng scandal.

Her husband, racehorse trainer Charlie, immediately claimed that she was the victim of a "witch hunt" and was being made a "scapegoat".

But Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins, whose campaign to eradicate witchcraft from Civil War era East Anglia has been famously documented in film, reckons the authorities may have got this one wrong.

"Verily," he said last night. "One does not seek out the scapegoat by embarking upon the witch-hunt. Shouldst thou wish to find the scapegoat, thou must needs hunt a scapegoat.

"Nay, but for the witch, aye, the witch, seekest thou the help-meat of Satan.

"And any road - it's not her, mate. Not Rebekah. No - I've been all over her. Been through her bins and what-not.. photographed her at night, tailed her, listened to her phone and all that. Couldn't find any evidence of witchcraft."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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