Written by Dogooder Dave

Saturday, 23 April 2005

Following the detention of President Bush on allegations that he behaved inappropriately in relation to his conduct with little known British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, investigators have discovered a secret horde of questionable material.

An unnamed source, that we will call SH, has confirmed that he too was made subject of improper advances by the crazed American. "Years back this guys Dad, he bully me when all I want to do is visit my neighbour for a cup of tea" said an obviously distressed SH. "He come round my place with his friends and batter me with the mother of all batters and says I gotta get outa my neighbours place - I go home."

SH continued in a trembling voice "I stay in my place and then this guy he get his drug drink crazed behemoth of a son and his sons' leetle pal and thees time they come right to my house and they kill my family and then the dirty old man he get me put in a hole for days on end - eet eez not right - something must be done."

Further allegations indicating concern as to President Bush's perverted procliviites were detailed to us by a bearded gentleman whom we shall call OBL. A distressed OBL told us in his secret hideout "My family they good to the dirty Bush family - they make them lot of money - they have tea together but then the baby of the family he decide he no like our tea - he try to make us eat tea like his." OBL paused to remove some crumbs from his beard "I send some friends round his place to say leave us alone - they even shout from a high place but he not listen".

A, by now tearful OBL, at the memory of his friends' attempts to stop Bush in his tracks "What he do - he sit there all steaming up - he and his little Tony knee boy and then they come over my place bang bang bang and then he make me go and live in a cave - the man is mad I tell you - why he no just leave us alone - something must be done".

Former security staff of President Bush and his little friend, Tony, have now come forward and confirmed that they kept silent on behaviour between the two.

RC, a gnome like character, but with some degree of dignity stated "I told Tony the man was just trying to use him but he just wouldn't listen. I saw them reading some dodgy material and Tonys' fingerprints will be all over it . The stuff was disgusting and anyone in their right mind could see that these obscene publications should have been destroyed but oh no the big guy persuades the wee guy that they are all quite true and normal and gets him to act out all the fantasies between the pages of this filth they had handled together - something must be done."

A security man close to Bush, CP, backed up the gnomes' tale "I agreed with Bush up to a point" he said "Tony was a nice wee guy - big smile - lovely teeth and hair - but the President just couldn't draw a line between what was right and what was wrong. I just felt I had to resign and the guy has got some patsy in now doing my job - something must be done."

It is believed that President Bush was tested on these allegations in November last year but came through that without a stain on his trousers. Young Tony is due to face similar questioning on May 5th but observers believe that he too will emerge from his probing with any hints of wrongdoing ignored.

It is feared however, that neither will have learned from past mistakes and an Iranian gentleman, MK, has told us "Just you watch - that guy will hop up on his knee come May 6th, they will think they have got off with it and can carry on just like before - they are not getting me down any hole - something must be done."

It is not known if any Chief Prosecutor will be inclined to take this case on as the couple are believed to only have around three years to carry on with their sordid activities before embarking on pre-arranged well paid lecture tours.

Speaking from his flat next door to young Tony his friend GB said "It is not right - something must be done."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
45 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more