Spontaneous breast growth in a Cumbrian hotel

Funny story written by IainB

Sunday, 6 May 2012


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Gina used to be a Double A

The Windermere Vista Hotel in the Lake District, Cumbria, is at the centre of a scientific investigation after it was discovered to be the centre of an outbreak of spontaneous boob growth.

"People have been adding up to two cup sizes to their breasts," said serious scientist, Simon Sirius. "There was a great deal of internet chat on Twitter and Facebook about the phenomenon and it seemed to have its epicentre at the Windermere Vista Hotel. So we investigated."

The origin of the chest expanding anomaly was traced to a leak in the main water supply to the hotel that was causing oestrogen like compounds to seep into the drinking water. The neighbouring Bassenthwaite Hotel is unaffected.

"The concentration of hormone-mimicking chemicals is considerable," said Sirius. "It is unsurprising to see such breast tissue growth given the unusual combination of chemicals which seem to promote breast growth without any of the other side effects of pure oestrogen. We hope to isolate the chemicals in an attempt to reduce the need for cosmetic surgery."

Cumbrian Water have offered to fix the leak in the main water supply to the hotel, but Gina O'Logi, the owner of the hotel has insisted that they don't.

"It's brilliant," she said. "I used to be an AA cup, now I'm a double D. Also, it's meant that my hotel is full every day. I'm doing a roaring trade."

Surprisingly, it's not just full with women.

"You would be amazed at the number of men who want breasts," she said. "We've got a gay couple in right now who are staying for a fortnight in the hope that they can both leave with bigger boobs. I guess men who don't have access to breasts want their own to play with. I can understand that. Katy Price, you know, Jordan? She's booked a six month stay! I charged her extra because I don't like her."

As well as being able to charge extra for the fringe benefit of the hotel, O'Logi is also making additional money from the new bra-shop and fitting service she has opened in the lobby.

"I'm considering changing the name of the hotel," she said. "But I'm torn between The Bigger Boob Hotel and Jugs R Us."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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