London Metropolitan police have called in an expert to help solve the mystifying mystery of the mysterious death of mystery man Gareth Williams.
"What we know," said Detective in Charge, DI Sue Tecase, "is that he was in a bag, dead, and worked for MI6. Beyond that, we're peering in the dark with a blindfold on, hands tied by red tape and gagged by injunctions. Not the best way to conduct an enquiry."
Rumours abound that the police have been told that Williams put himself in the bag, zipped it up and then locked it, shortly after selling his computer equipment to fund his cross-dressing fetish. He then proceeded to strangle himself with a cord that he put outside the bag after he'd finished.
"There are a number of inconsistencies," admitted Tecase. "I'm not altogether happy with the conclusion MI6 have given us."
For this reason, and the baffling nature of the case, the Met have taken the unusual step of bringing in a highly respected consultant: Miss Terry Solva.
"Miss Solva has been watching crime dramas on TV since Quincy was on the air," said Tecase. "She has consistently outperformed the on screen detectives, often solving the crime before the first ad break. She has seen every episode of Jonathan Creek, Silent Witness, CSI, NCIS, Cagney and Lacey, Midsommer and many others. She has read every detective novel and police procedural she can get her hands on. Although she doesn't like John Grisham. She says she can solve them before page four."
According to Tecase, Terry Solva is better at uncovering the truth than any police office in Britain and that she knows police procedure better than most of the officers on the force. Which is hardly surprising as most year three children know police procedure better than the police.
"We're going to give Miss Solva all of the information that we have," said Tecase. "We've written it onto a piece of A4 with a thick felt tip. I just hope it's enough, because, frankly, we're at a loss."
