Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 7 April 2012

image for Dead MI6 cryptographer's char lady stung by 'dark arts' slur
Wearing protective clothing during a recent spring clean at Rebekah Brooks' gaf

Surrey - Pratts Bottom resident and Foreign Orifice-approved cleaning woman Mrs Ida Hoover has spoken of her disgust at 'filthy' slurs blaming a covert MI6 division for the improbably immaculate state of Gareth Williams' apartment.

"WTF do they mean 'dark arts?" the sanitisation expert tweeted this afternoon.

"No bloody witches broom in my closet, thank you very much."

A veteran of numerous counter-terror sweeps 'since that blasted Profumo scandal' Mrs H's impressive skills were honed during a US vacation internship working for Lyndon B Johnson in the aftermath of the 1963 assassination of President Jack Kennedy.

Her subsequent 1967 doctoral thesis at the London School of Economics-With-the-Truth is still regarded by officials as a seminal primer for up-and-coming Whitehall mandarins and other thugs.

This week allegations of the security intelligence service's evidence removal from the Alderney Street flat where the naked cryptographer was found bagged up in a sport holdall were aired at a Coroner's Inquest.

"Made my blood boil, that," Mrs Hoover added despite reports that her trusty mop, duster and furniture polish aerosol were destroyed by person or persons unknown immediately after her last tidy-up at the Williams residence in August 2012.

Her personal evidence will be heard at the Inquest sometime next month 'just as soon as I return from my annual break in Vladivostock, heheh!"

MI6 boss Sir Horris Fox-Bunting is 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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