London 'Must Pay To Clean Up Scots Oil Rigs'

Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

image for London 'Must Pay To Clean Up Scots Oil Rigs'

An unseemly diplomatic row is festering between the Scottish Parliament and Whitehall following comments by the SNP energy minister concerning decommissioned oil rigs.

Fergus Ewing told the Commons Energy Committee that Westminster should pick up the £30bn bill for decommissioning Scottish oil rigs - even if Scotland became independent.

He added that London should also pay most of the bill for decommissioning nuclear power plants.

Claiming that the SNP's position on nuclear decommissioning was mathematically unreasonable, one committee member asked: "And anyway, Ferg, who's gonna make us pay? You? Don't make me laugh!"

"Och! We'll make ye pay right enough, ye Sassenach tossers!" Mr Ewing is reported, by a very dubious source, to have replied.

"Oh yeah - you and who's army?" Asked the member. "That one you won't be funding any more? Stick it up your sporran, bloody sweaties!"

A Westminster insider said that efforts were being made behind the scenes to settle the row. "But I don't think we're really that arsed," she added.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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