Queen to celebrate Diamond Jubilee by getting smashed

Funny story written by Bill Licks

Sunday, 1 April 2012

image for Queen to celebrate Diamond Jubilee by getting smashed
Let's all have a piss up, lets all have a piss up ta-raa raa raa, ta-raa raa raa

Queen Elizabeth II is to celebrate her 60 years on the throne by going on the mother of all benders with other members of the Royal family.

She is hoping to start the day by getting twatted on champagne in the Bonapartes pub on Buckingham Palace Road, before moving down to the Duke of York to get wankered on Jager bombs, and then finishing at the Wetherspoons to get fucked on pitchers of watered down cheap cocktails or whatever stuff she can mine sweep for free off the top of fruit machines.

'It's gonna be a top day' said Prince Harry as left his local Bargain Booze off licence with a four pack of WKD and a 2 litre bottle of K cider. 'Granny's going on one and we're all having it with her.... even those ginger lasses Beatrix and Eugene who always end up pulling blokes who have to work for a living...ha ha.'

'Me and the Wildebeest (Prince William) are leaving the Doris's at home on that day so we can crack on to some tourist fluff. And hopefully that rugby bloke who got married to Zara Tara Philips will be helping us to get stuck into some blonds when we've had enough of tossing dwarves around.'

Buckingham Palace have yet to confirm if any of the above is true but have hinted it is very unlikely the Queen will be over indulging in the festivities that will be taking place across the UK on that day.

'She's been there, done that, bought the T-shirt' said butler Paul Burrell.

'She don't do none of that shit no more but if anyone's in the Plumbers Arms in Victoria at about 5.30pm on 5th June, come over to the table in the corner near the ladies toilet and make sure you've got a spare bottle of Desperado for the old bird with the crown on her head.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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