Written by Deafo

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

The Vatican has expressed its 'dismay and betrayal' at the Catholic Clergy across Ireland for its failure to invite their seniors to join the many instances of child abuse across the country.

In a report published on Tuesday, it called for a 'new focus' within the Irish Catholic Church to ensure in future it embroiled the upper echelons of the faith in similar scandals that have caused such widespread revulsion.

A spokesman for the Vatican, Theodore Riposte, warned its Irish ministers of the perils of omitting them moving forward.

He stated, 'It's a fundamentally flawed process that sees the Vatican held accountable for the errors which have seen Irish priests engaging in these appalling poorly co-ordinated sexual abuses without so much as RSVP to ask for our involvement.'

'It's a disgrace.'

'We haven't dedicated our lives to the Church to be deprived of the perks of the role they have so much enjoyed.'

The spokesman went on, 'If we are to now be brought to book for these offences then the Irish must take this as an explicit request to be involved in any future abuses.'

Father Patrick Moore, from the diocese of Ferns, County Wexford, implied the Vatican needed to do more to take care of its own needs.

He told us, 'If I worked at Tesco in Greenford, and helped myself to half a kilo of potatoes on my way home, presumably Joe Bloggs working in the Ealing store wouldn't expect to be flung a few of them, would he?'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pope, Catholic, Vatican

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