Local man, and once prolific writer of absolute bollocks, crap jokes, sob stories, knob-related gubbins and generally unfunny shite, Martin Shuttlecock, today denied that he was all set for a writing comeback. Speaking today from the tiny caravan...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time. "I was wa...
Manchester United have sacked temporary manager Ryan Giggs after the home defeat today to Sunderland. The match ended 1-0 to the visitors. An official announcement will be made shortly. Giggs, known as Giggsy, will, like former manager Davi...
TITCHFIELD - UK - Local man Martin Shuttlecock today revealed that he's really got the hump. According to sources he's apparently got the hump so badly that at one point he was considering the random use of exclamation marks. Apparently it all sta...
SPRINGIELD, Massachusetts (ABSNN) - A nude dancer performing an "amazing, near flawless split" accidentally passed gas and nearby table candles ignited the fart "causing a huge natural gas explosion at the Scores Gentlemen's Club," say fire fighters...
The dearth of news emanating from Martin and Anne Shuttlecock's locally based address recently has led to a great deal of speculation. Some observers assumed that the happily inept couple have gone into retirement, or at the very least, semi-retir...
LEICESTER, England (ABSNN) - A whole lot of people who believed the male skeleton found beneath a parking lot in this English city was King Richard III, who was slain during the War of the Roses, an English Civil War, were disappointed when DNA testi...
A local man has threatened to respond to what he described as "the ultimate insult" by performing in a You Tube skit - impersonating his own brother. And making him look a right 'twat'. Martin Shuttlecock, a dashingly handsome and pioneering satir...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, announced today that Felix Baumgartner wasn't the only man on the planet pushing himself to the limits of human endurance, as Shuttlecock himself became involved in pushing personal boundaries to the limit. As Felix...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today made the controversial assertion that Childline mouthpiece, Esther Rantzen, knows more than she's letting on about the Jimmy Savile paedophile allegations, before going on to say that she appears to be in denial a...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, still in a state of mourning following the death of his father last week, today described how he visited a funeral director in order to make arrangements for the impending cremation. "I went to the registraer's office yesterday to register the death," Shuttlecock said. "They give you a green sheet which confirms certification of death, and grants legal permission...
DALLAS, TEXAS (ABSNN) - The masked, knife wielding robber who stole $500 in cash and a $150 penis pump from a Dallas adult video store today was apprehended only four hours later at Parkland Memorial Hospital according to the DPD. "We got a ph...
Local man and sometime Skoob News correspondent, Martin Shuttlecock, today explained that on a purely personal level, the last seven days have been: "A bit shit. To be honest." Upon being asked for further details, Shuttlecock revealed that last Sunday evening as he was browsing his favourite satirical website, his internet connection went down. As the hour was somewhat late, Shuttlecock decid...
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - City Health Inspectors rated the restaurant owned by Lady Gaga "at below 'C' level for 42 critical sanitation violations." The very best rating is "A." The report was released today and was actually a re-inspection of...
CONVENT OF THE QUEER, WV (ABSNN) - The face of Republican Presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, "miraculously appeared" on a urinal mint, in the toilet of the Monk's Quarters, in this small Jesuit Convent tucked away in the foothills of west-central Wes...
Notorious shed refugee, Martin Shuttlecock, who traditionally cuts and runs when the going gets tough, has apparently fled to the sanctuary of his garden shed again - for only the 345th time this year, after being mauled by way of a change by well in...
MOSCOW (ABSNN) - Vladimir Putin may be getting along in years, but he "is still as studly as ever," he said in an interview with geriatric reporter, Martin Shuttlecock. "He's but a lad, a mere slip of a boy," Shuttlecock wrote. "Vital, I'm vita...
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