Written by bigmeuprudeboy

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

image for Man dies after woman refuses to 'finish him off'
Grieving friend of testicle explosion tragedy student

A Bedford man has died after a date who had manipulated his penis refused to make him ejaculate.

James 'Fishlips' Dwyer, 21, a 2nd year sports psychology student at the University of Bedfordshire was found dead on Monday afternoon by a housemate.

Speaking at their home, Dwyer's housemate and friend Lawrence Booth told us that Dwyer had been out on a date with 'some Doris' he had previously met in a Bedford pub and had texted him at approx 11.30pm that he 'was going back to hers to get his rubs'.

However according to Booth Dwyer returned at about 1am complaining that despite some very heavy petting and Dwyer warning her how dangerous it was not to arouse a man with out him ejaculating, the lady in question had refused to 'finish him off' because she 'didn't like the smell'. Although concerned Booth didn't encourage Dwyer to seek medical advice and Dwyer retired for the evening.

It was when Dwyer failed to rise for a 2pm lecture that Booth raised the alarm "He was just lying there still with a massive stalk-on and it looked like his bollocks had exploded- it was horrible".

An obviously distressed Booth spoke of his regret that he didn't get Dwyer to hospital adding "If only I'd taken to him to A&E he might still be with us. We all know that not making a bloke shoot his muck after hes got a lob-on can be dangerous and this just illustrates that."

Stupid named but strangely attractive TV Doctor Pixie McKenna echoed Booth's sentiments telling us "Although not always fatal, its not that widely know amongst women that not making a man cum after arousal can be serious and cause a man's knackers to explode like a fizzy drinks can that's been shaken too hard. So I urge women to always make sure their man gets his Jester's toes just to be safe".

Bedford NHS trust later confirmed that a 21 year old man had been pronounced dead on arrival at Bedford hospital from severe testicular trauma while Beds Police confirmed they had held a 19 year old woman on suspicion of manslaughter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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