Charity street fundraiser told to 'Fuck off' for record 100,000th time

Funny story written by bigmeuprudeboy

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

image for Charity street fundraiser told to 'Fuck off' for record 100,000th time
a busy London street

A charity street fundraiser from East London has been told to 'fuck off' by a member of the public for a record 100,000th time.

Out-of-work over-actor and charity street fundraiser David Blande from Stratford reached the previously unheard of milestone on Monday evening down the road from busy Farringdon station when a tired looking woman in her 40s told him to 'just fuck off will you mate?'.

Blande told us: "Ive been working as a 'chugger' for just over 3 years now since my acting work started to dry up and Ive been making a note on my mobile phone how many times Ive been told to fuck off pretty much since day one-its taken a while but Im very proud of my achievements".

Indeed in a job where most members of the public shrug off their approaches with a polite 'too busy' or just a plain 'no' for those in the 'chugging' game it is seen as a huge achievement to break irritating Italian language student Gina Delanzo's 4 year old record but Blande has a theory as to why hes been so successful: "To me its all about the '2 Ps' - Place and Personality. I always place myself in the most inconvenient spot I can find- like outside a major train station when theres some sort of disruption to the service or near a large supermarket at lunchtime. And then theres my personality-Ive been told its like a cross between Timmy Mallet and James Corden so whenever I bound up to some tired and pissed off worker type it never fails to get me those 2 magic words."

Asked about how he felt the moment he hit the landmark number Blande commented "I'd been working all day near a busy branch of McDonald's on Oxford street, just generally getting in the way of all the tired and cross mums and dads in town with their kids for half term and Id managed to get up to 99,978 'fuck offs' when I got a call from my manager to let me know that there was a major signal failure on the Thameslink route to South London and Brighton. I was there as quick as I could and I knew that it was the day I was going to get the record. Low and behold about after another 5 minutes of being told to fuck off this lady told me to 'just fuck off will you mate?' as I followed her up the street grinning like a twat with my hand outstretched. Id hit 100,000! I was absolutely delighted."

Blande's record isn't the only record of its type to fall in the past year; in July 2011 a group of noisy, badly behaved French school children all wearing identical backpacks were told to 'get out of the fucking way' a record 2000 times in one afternoon during a trip to the British museum.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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