Waistline expansion to create 60,000 jobs

Funny story written by Joe Leff

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Manufacturers and other employers look set for a welcome boost in employment figures - thanks to increasing obesity.

Despite the current recession, waistlines have been expanding rapidly in the last year. Many people are now unable to wear normal-size trousers, skirts and underwear. Clothing manufacturers are increasing production of larger sizes in many items of clothing. Bus companies will need to run more journeys and refurbish their fleets of buses with wider seats.

At public swimming pools, changing cubicles need enlarging. Furniture manufacturers are aiming to produce more heavy-duty chairs and beds. Many turnstiles at football grounds will have to be redesigned. Even business offices will need a lot of 'expansion' work on them.

"Two years ago we had a complete refurbishment of our headquarters when we converted to open-plan offices," said a top executive at KPMC. "But now, with all this waistline expansion, we can hardly move around without bumping into other people or desks and chairs. It's really dangerous."

A government minister responsible for the economic implications of waistline expansion, confirmed that "at least 60,000 extra workers will be needed to undertake all this essential 'up-sizing' work."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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