Jumpers in Cardigan cause drivers to pullover

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

image for Jumpers in Cardigan cause drivers to pullover
Cardigan Bay viaduct is modelled on Brooklyn Bridge

A sudden spate in suicides in Cardigan, Wales, has caused traffic chaos over the holiday period.

"We cannot identify a reason for these sudden suicides," said Cardigan police inspector John Barnaby. "It's not the first time there has been a suicide cluster in South Wales. We are looking into a potential link."

There is only one viaduct in Cardigan that is suitable for suicidal behaviour, being as it is, the only one high enough to result in anything other than a sprained ankle and bruised ego.

"We have stationed a police officer on the viaduct twenty-four hours a day," said Barnaby, "seven days a week. We hope his wife doesn't mind."

Unfortunately for the residents of Cardigan, the viaduct traverses the main road into, and for obvious reasons, out of Cardigan.

"Every time we get one of these blasted jumpers," said local resident, Frissington Dimble Jones, "We can't get in or out for days while the police investigate."

"All suicides have to be investigated," said Barnaby. "It's the law. And I'm the law, so I have to investigate."

Sometimes there will be another jumper before Barnaby has finished investigating keeping Cardigan isolated for up to three weeks.

"It's murder," said Jones. "I'll be driving along and find the road closed, and I have to pullover on Cardigan Road cos of the bleeding jumpers. We can't even nip down Argyle Street because of the road works. It's better when I'm stuck out of Cardigan, that's sweater."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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