Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

image for Harrier Jump Jet fleet flogged off to America in $400 million deal
Eurofighter Typhoons like this one are not part of the garage sale

London - Grounded last year by the Strategic Sitting-On-Da-Fence and Security Review the vertical take-off and landing warplanes have been snapped up by US Marines in an RAF car boot sale at Brize Norton.

Pentagon sources confirmed the purchase but have yet to clarify how the 74-strong fleet will make its way to its new base in the States.

US Navy Supply Corps chief Rear Admiral Mark Heinrich said today he already has all the necessary trained pilots who could fly the planes across the Atlantic at a moment's notice.

A cheaper alternative, however, might be to hire out one of those massive Maersk Line container vessels that WalMart uses for the annual delivery of its Chinese-produced Christmas decorations.

The 123,200 ton-capacity Emma Maersk, for instance, is currently available and boasts a 150,000 container capacity powered by an impressive 14 in-line cylinders diesel engine capable of 110,000 BHP.

"We could load the Harriers from RAF Cottesmore and six days later they'd be at Camp Pendleton on the West Coast," an aide to Heinrich confirmed today.

News of the sale today comes amid UK Defence Ministry sources' insistence the planes aren't needed for some sort of pusch against Iran.

But speculation rages in London tonight that none of this air fleet will actually leave the UK - and US pilots may be deployed on British soil 'as and when needed' to quell pesky Scottish Nationalists' insane independence ambitions.

Another deployment could be during the Olympics when the world's terrorists will be targetting London after failing to secure Beach Volleyball tickets for Horseguards Parade.

Admiral of the Fleet Sir Jock Barnacle is 109.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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