Roman Abramovich still in love with Jose Mourinho

Funny story written by Rebel Not Taken

Tuesday, 21 June 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Roman Abramovich still in love with Jose Mourinho
Roman and Jose

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has sent out the clearest message yet that he is not 'over' old flame Jose Mourinho.

The Russian Billionaire, was on his knees begging Jose not to leave according to captain John Terry, after a tear stained split with the Portuguese heart throb. He has now tried to make Jose jealous by starting a relationship with Mourinho's ex, Andre Villas-Boas.

Chelsea Relationship Coach, Ray Wilkins, has told the press that this is the action of a deeply sensitive and love sick man:

"Roman still has the hots for Jose. All the lads do. Jose's dress sense was truly immaculate".

The scorned Roman took the break up with 'bad boy' Jose badly. His subsequent knee jerk reactions showed how much Jose had hurt him.

The bitter Russian 'went ugly' with brothel creeper Avram Grant before Jose had even packed his bags, then dumped poor Avram to embark on a "purely animal fling" with ageing Brazilian playboy Phil Scolari.

But according to Chelsea's overlapping full back Ashley Cole, Abramovich was putting on a brave face and moped around like a lovesick teenager after getting the elbow from 'The Special One': "He started wearing a baseball cap and became very moody".

Roman then had a revenge fling with chubby Italian doormat Carlo Ancelotti. Didier Drogba told reporters: "He had no real feelings for Carlo. He just led him on".

Meanwhile, the brazen Jose rubbed Roman's big nose in it by openly having a couple of one night stands and an erotically charged public slanging match with Barcelona stud Pep Guardiola.

Roman, hiding his true feelings, turned to old flame Gus Hiddink for comfort. But he got knocked back by the ageing Dutchman, who told reporters:

"I am sick of being second best. He is just using me to get back at Jose".

Now the forlorn Abramovich has turned in desperation to Jose's apprentice Andre Villas-Boas.

The eager 33 year old Mourinho lookalike spent the weekend on Roman's yacht in St Tropez and has been given a lot of money to turn himself into the new Special One.

Chelsea fans and players are hoping it "works out" and that Roman Abramovich can now "move on".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more