"Footballers? - They're All At It!" - Says Top Agent

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 15 June 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for "Footballers? - They're All At It!" - Says Top Agent
"Well, If You're Sure You're A Proper Footballer..."

It seems that no matter how much football's governing bodies attempt to sanitise and paper over the yawning cracks in the moral aspects of the beautiful game, philandering footballers are here to stay.

As are dirty tricks, backhanders, corruption, and all manner of scandal.

Leading football agent, Cosmo Smallpiece, admits that he can't envisage any changes - no matter how radical - making any difference whatsoever to the seedy side of football.

Speaking from the plush lounge bar of a Nottingham hotel, Smallpiece's assertion that the high profile scandals which have tainted the game recently, are merely the tip of a huge iceberg, seems difficult to argue with.

He insists quite forcefully that they're all at it. From the Premiership all the way down to the Sunday morning pub team leagues, once the teams leave the pitch, they're all at it!

Like dogs. Or rabbits. Or hamsters or something.

Scientists at the Institute Of Shagonomics have even predicted that if footballers keep bouncing about on top of models, escort girls, reality TV show starlets and Essex type groupies, that the accumulated kinetic energy brought about by all that thrusting could actually uproot the British Isles and leave them stranded somewhere miles away from their present location.

Like Siberia. Or Mongolia, or Tibet or something.

"They can't help it!" Smallpiece said. "They're all at it! All the time! They never stop! Thrusting and heaving! All sweaty and gasping! You can't stop 'em! They're all mad for it! They..."

At which point our reporter made his excuses and left.

Leaving Smallpiece chewing on one of his own shoes.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more