Andre Villas-Boas to become the world's most expensive seat warmer

Funny story written by Deafo

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Porto coach Andre Villas-Boas looks set to become the world's most expensive seat warmer after reports suggested Chelsea were prepared to trigger a clause in his contract which stipulates he can leave if a club is prepared to pay £13.2m for his space occupying services.

The 33-year-old Villas-Boas guided Porto to the Europa League title last season flagging his potential to Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich as the perfect candidate to accede the reigns of power to Jose Mourinho when the clubs former manager is re-appointed after being sacked by Real Madrid at the end of the forthcoming season.

Chelsea Chairman Bruce Buck was eager to play down reports suggesting the move was anything other than a permanent offer.

He told reporters, 'This is indeed a permanent appointment, in the same way that putting up your Christmas decorations is permanent.'

'Inevitably, they have to come down, at least once a year preferably.'

'Just like Carlo Ancelotti and Luis Felipe Scolari before him.'

'Winning the double in your first year is undoubtedly an achievement, but only because it means you've kept your job at Chelsea for 12 months.'

'Which is almost worthy of a winners medal in itself.'

Former Chelsea coach, Ray Wilkins, suggested his former club's revolving door policy was in danger of threatening the stability of of the team.

'Players knowing that if they dislike a certain manager, they just need to throw in a few bad performances in important games like the Champions League and that will constitute a swift change of manager, is absolute madness.'

'A bit like firing the teams oh so popular former coach mid season.'

'We all know what happened then.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more