New Orleans Saints to Relocate at End of NFL Season

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Thursday, 3 November 2005

image for New Orleans Saints to Relocate at End of NFL Season
The New Orleans Saints plan to relocate their team away from the ocean.

The New Orleans Saints football team has announced plans to relocate at the end of this football season. The Saints are currently playing games in Baton Rouge and San Antonio, Texas due to the severe damage to their stadium by Hurricane Katrina. The team has played their eight games this season in seven different locations, even having a "home" game in New Jersey.

The Louisiana Superdome, normal home of the team, was severly damaged both inside and outside by the deadly storms and hurricanes that have battered this coastal city. Stadium officials are not sure when the facility can be ready to host another National Football League game, or any sporting event or concert. This year's Sugar Bowl, scheduled for January 1, has been moved also.

In an announcement at the team's temporary headquarters in San Antonio, Texas, team spokesman Fernie Lewinsky announced definite plans to relocate the team. "Next year, we plan to play our home games as far away from the water as we can. We don't want no hurricanes. Because of this fear, we find that we cannot move to Los Angeles. San Antionio is only a couple of hundred miles from the beach and they got drenched with rain when that second hurricane hit. Portland, Oregon also wants a football team, but they are in the same situation."

"Due to these factors, we have decided to relocate our team to El Paso, Texas. The only water is in the Rio Grande, and it ain't very full. They are out of the tornado belt and hundreds of miles from the ocean. There are over two million people in the metropolitan area if you include Juarez, Mexico and Las Cruces, New Mexico. The Sun Bowl stadium seats about 60,000 people. The Dallas Cowboys have sold out scrimmages when they have played there. The UTEP football team has historically sucked, so there won't be any competition for tickets sales."

"As a strategy against our opponents, we'll make sure they cross the river into Mexico and drink the water and the tequila the night before home games. They'll be running, but it won't be down the field!"

"Our concessions will be a little different too. Where most teams sell lots of hot dogs and peanuts, we'll sell churros and nachos. We are even considering having menudo. Instead of Coors, Miller, or Bud beers, we'll sell Tecate, Corona, and Dos Equis cervezas."

"Our cheerleaders will dance to La Cucuracha and stomp on our opponents. The NFL will finally be in Mexico!"

"We're gonna call the new team either the El Paso Frijoles or the Border Burritos. You can expect to see new logo merchandise in stores soon. A percentage of sales will go towards hurricane relief."

"We considered the name El Paso Wetbacks, but decided that it would be too negative towards a large percentage of our new fan base. We were going to go with the El Paso Mojados, but found out it means the same thing, just in Spanish."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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