Future News: Aston Villa Wins Something

Funny story written by Inhopeless

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Published 2167 - LAYER-456 BIRMINGHAM, ENG. - Aston Villa, a Premier League team, have won the cup for the first time in living memory.

"The game of football hasn't changed over the past 150 years," said the manager, Robert Casio Cord. "We thought we wouldn't be able to compete with even Earthic teams, let alone inter-solar teams. But we've done it."

Football, a game played by nearly 400 thousand trillion people across the Earthic Empire, is one of the Empire's greatest sports.

If only our fore-fore-forefathers could see this day," continued Cord.

"Well..." said one player. "Ummm... you know. Yeah. We win, right?"

Aston Villa have faced heavy competition, especially since the introduction of bio-lasers in the 40s lead to Villa losing 2,309 to 2 last season. However, unisex teams - introduced in the 2050s - have given Villa a competitive edge - due to the fact that the only women on the planet live in Birmingham.

"The fact that the inter-solar teams were a little bigger... like a metre," continued Cord, "didn't mean nothing to our heavily armoured team of brawny Earthic people."

"Although, the fact they kept trying to impregnate our players wasn't seen by the ref."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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