Premiership Star In Court

Funny story written by grimbo

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

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Newcastle United skipper Kevin Nolan has been fined almost £4000 after pleading guilty of speeding in a built up area.

28 year old Nolan, top scorer at the club since the £35 million January transfer window of Andy Carroll to Kenny Dalglish's Liverpool, admitted driving at 60 miles per hour in a 30 miles per hour area of Longbenton, North Tyneside.

The former Bolton midfielder was also disqualified from driving for 60 days.

A clearly upset Nolan said outside the court "I'm gutted about this , I was confident I would have receieved a much harsher punishment, maybe even a custodial sentence as I've been caught speeding before.

Since Joey Barton cleaned his act up - the Magpies' player was jailed in 2008 for common assault and affray and also received a suspended sentence the same year for aggravated assault on a team mate - the lads have been struggling to find a proper role model to show them how spoiled, overpaid prima donnas are supposed to behave.

With his conviction for common assault last year, it looked like Big Ando was going to take up the mantle, but we've lost his talents since he moved to Merseyside.

I felt as club skipper that it was my duty to show the lads what its all about, at least until some other nutter comes along".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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