A sensational story is breaking involving the once mighty Celtic FC.
Sources close to Parkhead have revealed that the biscuit tinted club directors - concerned about the humiliating early exit from European competition - have been leaving no stone unturned in a desperate attempt to win a trophy this season
Its understood that the Bhoys are on the verge of sealing a deal that will see them linking up with the Green Party.
A partnership between one half of the Old Firm that is famed for its entrenched attitudes and a political party made up of what many regard as a bunch of lily livered liberals would have been unthinkable 6 months ago . But the Glasgow Greens' unconvincing league campaign and the poor showing by the Goody Two Shoed Greens in recent elections has seen the two thrown together in an uneasy business relationship that smacks of panic.
Undercover reporters have delved into the aims of the political half of the new unholy alliance and has unearthed some interesting comparisons with the achievements of the South Side's finest.
1. Promoting the recycling of all waste. Common ground here - Georgie Samaras...need we say more.
2. Reducing harmful emissions. No disagreement here - Scott Brown is constantly breathing out of his arse.
3. Free social care for the elderly. Same again - the Celtic board is set to announce plans to build Green Acres - a residential home where all the surviving Lisbon Lions will be free to roam the grounds for the rest of their days in peace and tranquility. At no cost.
4. Realistic and achievable performance targets. Divergence this time - Neil's guys are struggling to keep ahead of a Rangers side that are facing financial ruin.
5. Seeking non violent solutions to conflict. More divergence - the Celtic boss is constantly being sent to the stand after non peaceful outbursts.
6. Not living beyond one's means. Agreement - the Biscuit Tin is alive and well and securely posed under Dr John's four poster.
So there we have it.
The two forces are maybe not so far apart as we might have first thought. It'll be fascinating to see if the joining of minds and resources improves either's performance.
If it does, what's next ?
Rangers FC and UKIP getting in bed together ? Red Tube would be right at the front of the queue for that product.
