NY Mets House of Cards Set to Tumble After Investigation Says Team Built on Madoff Ponzi Scheme!

Funny story written by Morse

Sunday, 6 February 2011

image for NY Mets House of Cards Set to Tumble After Investigation Says Team Built on Madoff Ponzi Scheme!
Dejected Baseball Fans After Learning Bernie Madoff was Not the Jewish Santa Claus!

New York Mets fans were crushed to learn today that their beloved team was all a fantasy, built on the inflated returns of yet more Bernie Madoff financial schemes that played on Jewish investors around the world.

Rabbi Saul Moskowitz, a fan since the inception of the team in the early 60's said, "Bernie did more damage to his own people than al-Qaeda...the man was a parasite that took away our dreams!"

Two of the Mets owners, Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz were accused of reaping over $300m in bogus profits from over 16 "Friends of Bernie" accounts to pay 'day to day' operations of the storied baseball team.

Madoff, who started his financial empire in a small Jewish neighborhood by convincing relatives to invest with him, continued to grow his empire by word of mouth as clients bragged about their 14-19% investment returns, although they never saw a stock portfolio, received dividends or capital gains reports. Each client merely got a check at the end of the year with no explanation of how the money was earned....and as was learned later, no one thought to ask, including the SEC in charge of monitoring investment firms in the US.

Now, Irving Picard, trustee for the court looking to reclaim BILLIONS of purloined funds has glommed onto the Mets, saying that any "profits" were bogus, and need to be reclaimed.

Insiders say Wilpon & Katz are desperate to sell 25% of the team, valued at over $1b to cover the claims, though no one is getting ready to step to the plate and be a minority owner with a couple of Putz's who never thought to ask where the money was coming from and haven't fielded a winning team in years despite wasting millions on non performing players, general managers and coaches.

Said Gail Farrelly, a bull pen reporter for the Mets writing for Women's Wear Daily, " It's simply amazin' that the team could be in this much trouble." Farrelly says she thought she had seen it all, for a brief time she was former NY Jets defensive end Mark Gastineau's public relations manager when he started his professional wrestling career, but before he was arrested and jailed several times for assaulting his wife.

Said Farrelly, "I followed the Mets when Casey Stengel was there, and finished last every season. I was there in 1969 when they won 38 of 48 to end the season, take the division, sweep the series with the Braves, and then astounded the world by beating the Baltimore Orioles and Jim Palmer.....how could they have fallen this far?"

Farrelly said in talking with some of the all time great Met's players, including Tom Seaver, Donn Clendenon, Ed Kranepool, Ron Swoboda, Jerry Koosman, Cleon Jones, & Garry Gentry, they all wished they could return to the days of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, Red Barber, the great sports announcer, Yooho Chocolate Drink, $1 hot dogs and $.75 admissions to the ball park. They said they even missed Casey, who said of the early team, "Can't anyone here play this Game?" Later, commenting on the athletic future of one of the ballplayers he said, 'see that guy....he's 20....in ten years he'll be 30!"

As Gordon Gecko once famously said, "Greed is Good!" Until it turns around to bite you in the ass and you have to hang up your spikes and glove because you can't hit the
curve anymore!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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