Written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 5 November 2010

While baseball is considered the United States' "national pastime", one could argue that there are moments during a typical three-hour baseball game that are a little... slow. (Like everything before the pitcher's delivery and after the ball is hit.)

That problem has been resolved, however: Santo Domingo, long the home of MLB infielders and cheap hashish, now brings to American baseball the Dominican League Dugout Cheerleaders.

"Mi no me gusta beisbol," said Antonio Velez-Torres, a fan of Perrando, cheerleaders, and gyrating fat-assed girls in general. "Pero, me gusto Perreando; mi pinga esta rĂ­gido, todo el dia."

Even a team as successful as Los Tigres del Licey, the 22-time Rainforest League Champions, realized that there may be no sport in the world better suited for cheerleaders than baseball, what with all the stoppages in play. Thus, beginning in 2003, the addition of some cheerleaders to ogle gives a testosterone-filled male audience something to do besides fight one another.

The booty-shakers got a cultural push in 2006, when Perreando dancing became popular. The Tigres cheerleaders began dancing the female's role in the popular peasant dance, much to the delight of attendees at the game.

"Perreando is a front-to-back dance, that is, the man faces the back of the woman," said the only person at a Dominican baseball game who spoke English. "The moves focus on grinding and pelvic thrusts."

"The Tigres cheerleaders, as you can see now, actually dance with each other in this way," continued the fan. "So, as they grind into each other's large, curvy, succulent asses, they can... Ahhh.. Ohhhh.. Oh, God, oh, God, ah, OOOOOOOOHHHHH! Whew. Wow. I needed that."

So what exactly are Bud Selig and the MLB owners waiting for?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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