U.K's Cheapest Footballer Sold For Just 13 Pence

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

image for U.K's Cheapest Footballer Sold For Just 13 Pence
Roger Dobson in his prime.

With headlines ablaze over the fantastical transfer figures being bandied about this week, Sports Frustrated decided to seek out the U.K's lowest priced footballer.

Fernando Torres, once trusted and revered Liverpool team member, now just a big turncoat Chelsea member, sold for an estimated 50 million pounds, whilst at the same time Andy Carroll was purchased by the Merseysiders for 35 million.

But who is at the other end of the scale? Who commands the least respect, the lowest fees in football? We decided to find out, but first some rules.

Obviously the lowest transfer would be a free transfer, such as the likes of Michael Owen to Manchester United. But this does not count. We want the actual lowest paid.

We have also discounted produce related sales. UTA Arad, the famous Romanian side once sold defender Marius Cioara for 15 Kilograms of sausage meat. The buyers, Regal Horia, had a bad deal. No sooner had he signed, than he retired without playing a single game. So they lost a player, and a weeks worth of team meals. They demanded their sausages back!

But we can't accept this. We want real, actual money changing hands. Not freebies, tic-tacs and a 'sociable pint after training!'

Well after minutes of research we can reveal that the lowest transfer fee in history is Roger Dobson of Shanklin FC on the Isle of Wight. He was bought by the club for 13 pence from Donington FC.

Dobson played just three games for his new club, before being released from his contract. He managed to score seven own goals in this time, technically making him Shanklins highest goal scorer.

We attempted to contact Shanklin FC, but they refused to admit the purchase ever took place. He is also absent from any records on their website. One source, who wished to conceal his identity, told me "they were dark times, we never look back. Dobson is dead to us. He never existed!"

Dobson himself has since moved to Spain to make straw donkeys. We contacted him for a quote, but his fee was too high.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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